On a side note...

 I know it has been a while...  I can't believe how crazy busy I have been!  I am falling behind on everything, including balancing my checkbook and paying my bills!  I told myself no blog posts until I got myself caught up with real world stuff!

10 days out!
Current weight:  123.2 lbs
Current bf%:  unknown.  Jon took measurements last Friday, but I never heard back what it was.  I am not worried about it, because it is just a number.  The last reading I had was in the 12% range a few weeks ago.

Overall, things are going well.  I have been very dedicated to my meal plans even though they have become more strict as the show date gets closer.  I find myself spending lots of time on Pinterest looking at all the foods that I can't have right now (mostly while I am doing cardio!).  I look and pin healthy stuff too...  but there are just so many yummy desserts out there to try!  It has made me think a lot about what I want to have for my post-competition treats/snacks, etc.  I am not sure yet how many days 'off plan' I will have after this first show (I will have 6 weeks until the next one), but I keep telling myself that I don't want to over do it.  The things I crave most right now are peanut butter, Dave's Killer bread, Stacy's pita chips and fruit.  I miss my protein smoothies and of course will add in more oatmeal for as long as I can!  Some treats I plan on having post show...  Kashi Go-Lean Crunch, animal crackers from the bulk bin at Winco, maybe some redvines and lets not forget a few of the peanut butter tasty kakes I have in the freezer that I have been saving since last Christmas (thanks to a friend from Pensylvania for sending them over!)!  Ok...  enough talk about food, I am already hungry!

Since I was already training for this competition, I thought I would go ahead and enter the Bodybuilding.com 100k Transformation challenge.  This was the challenge that really kick-started things for Lance and I last year and so I wanted to enter it again.  I had met so many great people on bodyspace during the challenge and it was nice to have the extra motivation.  I entered on Jan 26th and below are my 12-week transformation pictures (end date April 20th) that I submitted for the challenge.  I am so happy with the changes that I was able to make with the guidance of Jon & Shawna.

100k Transformation Challenge - Front

100k Transformation Challenge - Side

100k Transformation Challenge - Back

Here is a link to my Transformation Essay on Bodyspace.

I feel like I am still continuing to make some progress.  At 2 weeks out, I got a cheat meal (specific:  restaurant burger and fries) and although I was full and felt very tight, I decided to see if I could still get my workout in.  Holy pump!  I had veins popping out all over the place!  I didn't do any abs that night, because I literally couldn't crunch without being in pain (lol) but I got in a great back/shoulder workout...  Also, I liked this cheat meal much better then my last, which was "Eat a pizza".  Yep, that is right.  A WHOLE pizza!  I had picked myself up a Little Cesaer's Hot N Ready pizza but couldn't quite finish it myself.  Trinity helped me with a couple slices.  I had the worst food hangover after that night.  A headache for two days and had to train with Shawna when I still felt stuffed and bloated!


Cheat meal + pre-workout + back/shoulder workout = PUMP!
14 days out

My main focus at this point is to get through these last 10 days...  stay focused on my meals, get all my cardio and workouts in and bring the best ME that I can bring to the stage.  We got a preliminary roster and the bikini class is huge!  Six different classes and around 10 girls in each class!  Looks like class 'F' for me, with all the tall girls!  As usual...  Lance has been amazing and understanding with all my late evenings from working out and still continues to prep all my food for me the next day.  It is such a relief to know that I can come home, package everything up and then RELAX!  There just isn't enough time in the day right now to do it all and I am so greatful for him and his support.  Work has really picked up and gotten busy and so I am a little worried about increased stress levels, but I am just doing my best to take everything in stride and only do what I can.  I will get through this!

First show...  Here I come!

Another exciting moment this week...  I got to try on and pose in my competition suit for the first time!  Here is a sneak peak at it...  Nicol is adding some stones to the fabric to really make it stand out and sparkle!  Putting that suit on really helped me realize that it is all coming together.  I was so worried about my butt!  I think it will all look good come show day! :)



Love the color and can't wait to see the final product!

No matter my placing, I am so excited to finally be at the final countdown to do this show.  It has been a lot of hard work and I am very proud and surprised at just what I was capable of doing and staying committed to this.  I have had a pretty long prep (started at 18 weeks out) and will continue another 6 weeks after this first show before the Reno show.  I will definitely be ready to start eating more food and working on adding some more muscle.  I haven't made the final decision if I will stick with bikini or try to transition into figure...  We will see how the off-season goes and how well I am able to show my 'sass' with posing in bikini! :)

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has been supporting and encouraging me through this whole process!  I wanted to be able to do this and still be 'me' in the end.  I know I have changed, but my heart is still the same.  I have taken this time to really focus on myself and give it the attention that it needs.  I haven't disappeared forever.  Hopefully, I have picked up some good habits along the way, for a healthier and happier LIFESTYLE and not just a temporary contest prep.  I love the fitness industry and don't plan on exiting it anytime soon, just hope to get back a little normalcy here in a couple of months!

With that...  Here's to Empire Classic, Spokane, WA and then on to NPC Nevada Championships, Reno, NV where I will make my best attempt to qualify for USA's in Vegas (July).

Here we go! :)




If I flex REALLY hard...

So, in honor of #FlexFriday (and because I know how much Jon Beuttner loves Flex Friday), here is my flex picture!


If I flex REALLY hard, I think I see the start of a 4-pack! :)
04/05/13

Overall, things have been going really well.  I have been really busy with prep and work stuff, so my time is very scheduled out.  I am starting to miss some things, like time with my friends and participating in functions that I used to, but at this point, if there is any free time, it is spent getting the finishing touches figured out for this competition, keeping the bills paid and spending whatever time I can with my family.  Only 5 weeks to Empire Classic (Spokane, WA) and then another 6 weeks after that for the Nevada Bodybuilding Championships (Reno, NV).  I can get through this and finish it out!

Last weekend, 3 of the Team Big Jon Fitness competed in Vancouver and it was so exciting to see how they looked and hearing the updates via Facebook from Jon and Shawna as the day of competition went on.  These ladies came in with some rocking bodies and it was so exciting to hear about their experience.  I just hope I am ready when my time comes!

Team Big Jon Fitness:  Hannah, Kayla, Kristy
First NPC Bikini Competition!

I have had to do some traveling during my prep and will have a another big road trip for my daughter's dance competition before my first show.  This last week, was my first time flying and needing to prep my food for the trip.  Thankfully, my husband helped cook a lot of the food, because I had to work late getting ready for the trip and also get my training in.  It was a day trip (up at 3:30 am, home at 11:45 pm) so I had to be able to pack all my food into a carry-on.  When I told my co-worker that I would have all my food with me, he replied "why?  it is just ONE day?".  Not sure how you explain to someone who has never been through this process how much one day can affect you, especially when you are this close.  Fortunately, he was nice about it and I didn't have any issues the entire trip.  I was running late getting through security and my plane was already boarding...  I hadn't had a chance to get ice and the lines at all the restaurants were pretty long.  I was worried, but then asked the flight attendent and she was very accommodating and got me ice for my carry-on cooler!  Whew! :)  It was a day of eating cold food all day, but I got through it.  The tilapia wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!  I endulged in a couple of diet cokes while my co-worker ate lunch at Red Robin and then some chips and guacamole at the airport later that evening.  I was a bit short on my 1.5 gallons, but the fact that I stuck to my food plan for the day made me very happy and a great feeling of satisfaction.

Eggs, oats, chicken, tilapia, green beans, asparagus and protein powder.
Eggs and oats I ate on my way to the airport.  My second oats serving of the day,
I mixed the raw oats with cinnamon and stevia and toasted them
in the toaster oven.  So good!  Kind of like granola to munch on!

I ended up missing two days of cardio (basically took my rest day from cardio on weights on Tuesday) and it was kind of weird for me.  I haven't missed a scheduled workout since November and this week, I will be short one cardio session (going to make-up cardio and weights on Sunday instead of taking that as my rest day).  I got home so late and had to be at work the next morning that I just knew I wouldn't function well on 4 hours of sleep.

I got a new meal plan last week and I am so happy to have even a little bit of carbs back!  I have oats post cardio and post workout now (twice a day) and it is just enough to keep me happy!  No extra fats right now, so I am missing my avocado (and have missed my peanut butter for quite a long time), but I just want to stay super focused with my eyes on the goal.  Trinity actually wanted to try some of my tilapia and she really likes it.  Now another item I have to watch closely, as she will want to eat everything on my plate!  I have had to start making a little extra of everything, so that I can give her some.  She loves asparagus too, so when I portion out my asparagus, I throw in a couple extra spears so that she can have them whenever I eat it.  So happy that she loves all this healthy food, but I cherish every ounce of food that I get and just can't give it away! :)

I will say...  I have always liked gum, but now, it has turned into an obsession!  My selection is growing!  Here is a quick look in my purse right now of what I have available.

If I am not eating a scheduled meal, then I probably have a piece of gum in my mouth.  It helps that if I am already chewing something, I don't mindlessly pop something into my mouth that I shouldn't.  Oh, the plethera of flavors that are out there!  I wonder if there is a growth in sales in the sugar free gum industry during competition season???  :)

I didn't get a chance to post some progress pictures last week.  Here is a two week progress from 8 weeks out to 6 weeks out.  I loved seeing the definition in my back and the changes in my glutes.  I just may get a bikini booty yet!  Shawna works my lower body hard when I meet with her each week for training and I have really been pushing myself as well.  I met up with my friend Suzanne and her husband and attempted to deadlift what she was and I ended up with a super tight back for a good week!  Pushing yourself is one thing, but knowing your limits is a good thing to keep in mind too! :) 

 

 

Tomorrow looks like it may be my last group posing practice.  Every Saturday from now until my show, either the trainers are at a competition, or I am at one of my daughter's dance competitions.  Two of them are local, so I am hoping schdules will work and I can get to one or two more posing practices.  It is crunch time and I am so excited! :)

So long... It has been nice knowing you!

Yep, its over...  I lost the battle...

The girls have officially disappeared!  You ladies know what I am talkin' about!  The boobies have officially left the building!  I had this realization when as shopping for a sports bra for my 11 year old daughter, I saw this really cute underwire bra in her section of the store...  low and behold, at a 34A, it fit me!  And I mean it BARELY fit me!  It made me look at myself and I can honestly say that without any type of support, my pectorial muscles are more prominent then the girls are!  Grose, I know...  but I just had to share!  hahaha  Maybe someday, I will invest in some new ones (I know that Lance wouldn't compain about that!), but for now, I am not worried about it.  I just laugh every time I look down.  Thank goodness for padded bras and bikini tops!

One good thing from this (ok, there really isn't anything good from it, but I am going with it to keep me sane) is that I know I am dropping bodyfat.  Why my body has to deplete every bit of it from the girls and not from my hips and ass, I just don't understand!  Why not pull fat from where you store the most of it, not the least amount!  So yes, upper body over all is getting really lean.  I love seeing the vascularity when I am training upper body and can see more and more of the outline of my pacemaker as well, because there is nothing but skin covering it now!  It kind of looks like I have this wierd growth sticking out from my chest, but oh well...  it is me and I don't mind it at all!  I will compete with all my battle scars! :)

Things have been crazy busy.  Working out 6 days a week now (morning fasted cardio, weight training in the evening) and still managing the kids schedules.  I had my first travel experience while on prep and although it started out great, I had a lapse, which initially really brought me down, but then I ended up with the best week I have had since I started prep (at least I think so).  I think that I have finally figured out how to do this, be happy and follow my plan and get to the end result that I am looking for.  Ultimately, I am just trying to see what I can do.  How much drive and focus do I really have?  Is this something that I can do and still be happy, along with my family, etc.  They have been so supportive, but yesterday, as I spent an afternoon with my daughter shopping, she asked me how long I would be doing this.  She is so supportive and is one of my main cheerleaders, but when she asked if I will be always going to the gym every night of the week, I could see that she misses me (and I miss her too!).  She too is busy 3 nights of the week at dance, but on her nights home, I am always rushing out the door to get my workout in.  I am working on getting more sleep, so I have avoided working out after they are in bed, but ultimately, I still only see them for a bit in the evening.  I told her after competition season was over, I would go back to my early morning workouts, that don't effect her schedule, and I would be home in the evenings more.  She was happy with this answer, but it was still a difficult converstation to have with her.  It makes me feel very selfish to be doing this, but ultimately, you have to be if you want to accomplish this.  Trying to have the right balance, makes things interesting, but we are doing good.  I had a cheat meal last night, and we had a great family dinner out, ate some good food and just enjoyed each others company.

I guess I should go back to my lapse.  Overall, I have done really well in following my meal plans.  I have had very few instances where I went off plan, and I always made sure that I got in all of my meals, no matter what time of the day I woke up, etc.  So, my first trip with Trinity to a dance convention came up.  I did everything I needed to be ready...  I had all my meals prepared (as seen here):



Meal prep for Friday, Saturday & half Sunday

All I had to do was eat them, right?  I did really well the whole drive up.  I had another mom/daughter ride along with us, so when we stopped to eat, they happened to want whatever was at the truck stop and so I was able to use the microwave in the convenience store and ate with them.  Everything was good until Saturday afternoon.  Saturday was my carb day.  Trinity was at dance and while a lot of other moms were headed out to go shopping, I was headed to the gym.  I found an Anytime Fitness in the area, so I knew I would be able to do my complete workout.

Admiring the pretty dumbbells at Anytime Fitness - Ogden, UT

It was my back/shoulder day and after a good workout, I had my shake and (3) rice cakes on the drive back to the hotel.  I had a bit of time to kill before I needed to pack up Trinity's dinner and my dinner to take over to the convention for her break and that is when it happened.  I wasn't even hungry, but alone in the hotel with all these snacks and goodies I slipped up.  Kashi Go Lean Crunch (the one with the yummy berries!).  It's a carb day, right?  I figure one little handful won't hurt anything.  The problem is, once you taste it, you can't stop.  I literally had this internal conversation with myself to not eat it...  follow the plan... but one more handful won't hurt...  no, you aren't even hungry!  It was the ugliest conversation that I have ever had internally!  A little Kashi turned into some Fig Neuton Thin Crisp cookies, then more Kashi.  I finally realized that I needed to get out of that room and be around people.  So, I packed my dinner as well as Trinity's and set out for the convention early.  I would just have to eat mine cold.  Once I was back around people (even strangers, weird...) I was fine.  I had no inkling to dig into Trinity's dinner or snacks and so I just waited for her class to get out.  Now, most of you are thinking...  that wasn't so bad?  Well, Kashi and Fig Newton's aren't exactly a low calorie food.  I don't even want to try to figure out how much I ate.  All I know is that I was so mad at myself and had set back what had been a really good week up until that point.  So, angry and disappointed at myself, we drove home Sunday.  When I went to training that following Monday with Shawna, I couldn't lie.  I told her that I slipped.  I knew I probably wouldn't get a big lecture, because we are beyond that.  I know what I need to do to be successful and they have given me all the tools I need to follow.  I don't want to quit!  I want to see this through and I know I can do it!

With that, the following week was 100%!  Food and water and I realized what a sense of accomplishment I had and how great it made me feel.  I know that just sticking to the plan, at the end of the day, I feel good knowing that I did everything that I could possibly do to be successful.  Nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to stress about and then it just felt like the fat was melting off me.  Then, I get a cheat meal and I went into binge mode.  I kept all the food within the 'meal', but boy, was it a meal!  I ate so much that I gave myself a stomach ache and couldn't get to sleep that night.  I thought my stomach was going to explode!  Thanks to that little cheat meal, I was back up 4lbs!  I am on the rebound though and back down 2lbs in the two days following, so I know all will be good.  I just need to learn a little self control if/when I have another cheat meal.  I have a few plans in mind and my family to help me keep under control!  I don't want to develop some sort of binging habit, which in the end, would be extremely unhealthy.

Wow...  that was a long one and I have been working on this post for a few days now! :)  Has anyone else had that internal struggle?  It is crazy how easily we can justify things to ourselves, but knowing how I want to feel at the end of the day has helped me stay on track and avoid even the littelest of temptations that are always around.

This last Saturday, I was finally able to make it to a group posing practice.  I practice on my own quite a bit, but it was so great seeing a lot of the other competitors and see how far they had come in 2 weeks.  Here is my latest progress picture from that posing practice and a comparison picture from about 6 weeks ago.

All black suit: 3/16/13 - 128lbs (pre-cheat meal!)
Other: ~ 6 weeks prior ~+10 lbs

I am anxious to continue to really work on my lower body and glutes.  I am training lower body twice a week and with the cardio, I am hoping it will all come together by show date.  I have already seen a difference and it is quite exciting.  7 1/2 weeks to go!

Update

10 1/2 weeks out.

Oh my, how time is flying by!  I can't believe how fast everything has been happening, yet sometimes I feel like I get nothing accomplished!  My priorities are all catawanky (yes, that is now a word) and half the time, I am not entirely sure just exactly what I am supposed to be doing!

To help me stay on track, I have my meal plan and my workout calander with what bodyparts, etc. I am working on my fridge and the sad thing is, I have to look at it daily.  How many ounces of salmon?  Was it 6 or 8?  I can't seem to remember things lately, so I have to keep it all out in front of me!  I don't know where I would be if I didn't make myself literally put everything in my calendar on my phone, because if I don't, I would probably forget it! (Note to self:  posing practice with Shawna on Friday at 5:30ish!)

The last couple of weeks have gone pretty well (considering the lack of peanut butter...).  This last week was probably my best where I even felt like I was seeing some changes.  On Friday, I put on a pair of jeans that I had just tried on 2 weeks prior, and there was no way I was going to wear them in public.  Still too much muffin top.  But, after a 3 lb drop, I decided to give them another try and they fit beautifully!  I was so excited.  There was even a pair of slacks that didn't quite fit, but I wore them to work yesterday.  On Saturday, I hit the 131 lb mark, which is a milestone for me.  I am pretty sure I haven't weighed that much since before my 18 year old son was born, and I am pretty sure I have a lot more muscle now, then I did back then! :)

Jon made some changes in my diet and we are cycling carbs right now.  I was worried at first.  I had heard so many horror stories about it, but once I got started, I found that the plan was very filling and I didn't feel like I was missing anything.  I mean, don't get me wrong...  I miss my oatmeal, like I miss my peanut butter, but other then that, it hasn't been bad at all.  When I did get a carb day last week, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, because my shakes were with plain ole water instead of almond milk and I didn't get to have any avocado with my chicken.  Yes, I just said that.  After a week and a half, I actually look forward to my 3 oz of avocado at lunch!  With that said, this last meal plan really made me make adjustments to foods again and try things out of my comfort zone.  My 3 main meals all had something new for me to eat.  Here is what they have been...

Meal 1 introduced spinach.  Now, I have had spinach in salads, etc. but that included a lot of dressing, etc.  This go around, it was spinich with egg whites and a whole egg.  2 oz of spinach looks like a lot, until you scramble it with your eggs, but it is still not my favorite.  I hate the slimy gritty feeling it leaves on my teeth afterwards!  Surpisingly, it is very filling and I have no hunger pains waiting for my shake mid-morning.

Egg white / 1 whole egg / spinach

Meal 3 introduced Avocado.  I even emailed Jon back and said that I was really scared to even try this!  I couldn't stand the taste/texture/color/smell...  you name it!  The first day, I really struggled.  I even tried looking and seeing if I could come up with an equivelent to switch it out with peanut butter, but I knew that if things were going to work, I have to be honest with my food and eat what he has planned for me, because if results don't happen, and things don't make sense, I only have myself to blame.  It took me a bit, but I found that I prefer it room temperature, freshly cut open, then mashed up and I sea salt the living hell out of it!  Once that is accomplished, I use it as a dip for my chicken and it really helps for those days I accidently nuke the chicken too long and it starts to dry out.  So, bring on the avocado...  I am getting it all in! :)  Again, this meal is VERY filling!  It allows me to push back my next shake so that I can have it a little closer to my workout in the evening and not feel hungry while lifting weights.

chicken / green beans / avocado

Meal 5, another fish.  Really???  I just got used to Tilapia and now Salmon is added.  I pretty much cook it the same as I did the Tilapia (see one of my previous posts) and I am getting used to it, but I think that I prefer the Tilapia.  Along with the salmon, I get to have my favorite, asparagus with this meal.  Pretty darn good end to my day and usually eaten post workout.

Salmon / asparagus / broccoli

My carb day is a treat.  I savor every last bit of my oatmeal for breakfast and the brown rice at dinner is really good too.  Rice cakes with my shakes are nice too...  just feel like I get to have a little bit 'more' and crunchy/salty makes it feel like a treat.

So, overall, the carb cycling is going well.  I do notice after a couple of days, I am pretty tired, but my workouts haven't suffered as I am still lifting the same capacity that I was when I started this plan.  I haven't been able to push as much away from training with Shawna, because I don't always have Lance with me in the evenings to spot me, but I do what I can.  When he is with me, he is great about taking time out of his set to spot me, so that I can go up on the weights.  Heck, after my carb day on Sunday, I was still dead tired trying to wake up on Monday morning for cardio.  That has been the hardest.  I never had a problem getting up to weight train, because I would eat, take my pre-workout and would be awake and ready to go.  Getting up to do cardio before breakfast, it is really hard to get your body and mind moving.  Now that we just got our taxes back, I am on the lookout for a step machine so that I can do cardio at home.  It would save so much time in the mornings with equals more sleep!

After posing on Saturday, I took some pictures so I could see how things compared from a couple of weeks ago.  Man, I miss my spray tan!  :)  We just found out that we will be changing our back pose, which means literally getting our butt in gear so that it shows well.  This is my worry area...  Butt and thighs appear to be the last place for me to drop fat and I am worried about being too lean in my upper body.  You can now see the outline of my pacemaker and wires when I am in my front pose and you can see it move around when I am lifting, which is kind of crazy! (Don't worry, when it first 'exposed' itself, I checked it out with my cardiologist and all is good!)  I am trusting the process that when I follow the plan, Jon and Shawna will get my butt where it needs to be and ready for what ever posing will be required.

It has been amazing going to practice each week and seeing the changes all the girls are making and how great everyone is looking.  Honestly, what a great group of people to be around, so positive and motivating each in their own way.  We all have different things going on and are in different phases, but we can all relate well to each other and lean on each other when needed.  Here is my progress over the last couple of weeks...

I can see a bit more cut in my waist

I wish I could see a little more progress here...  Definitely my trouble area!

For fun...  I decided to update my bicep pictures.  These I was impressed with.  I can see a lot more definition, but I am also down about 8lbs between the two photos...




01/04/2013 - 140lbs

02/22/2013 - 132 lbs

Well...  still following a pretty crazy schedule and competition season officially will be kicking off this Saturday.  Trinity performs around 10:30 am for her solo and then team competition starts around 4pm.  It is in Caldwell, so I will be staying around there the whole day, which means having meals 2 - 5 packed and with me and most likely eaten cold all day.  Not looking forward to it (especially the salmon), unless I get lucky and it is a carb day, then my meals will be much easier to get down cold, so we will have to see.  The following week will be my first out of town trip since starting prep.  A dance convention for Trinity in Ogden, UT.  I have given my trainers a head up, so that I can pack food properly and they will let me know if any of those travel days will be a carb day.  Fortunately, I can get a microwave for my hotel room and the hotel is less then a block away from the convention, so I won't be forced to eat cold food!  The fun part will be passing on any treats that all the girls will surely want to have after their long day of dancing has concluded.  I am confindent I can do it though, especially since everyone I am traveling with knows what I am doing, so there is no way I am going to slip up!  I also have already done my research and found an Anytime Fitness within 10 minutes of my hotel, so I will have no problems getting cardio and training in.

Well, that was a pretty long update!  If you stuck around for the whole thing, I commend you!  I probably would have bailed long ago! hahaha.  I do this so that I can go back later, and remember what the process was, how I was feeling, my worries and fears, etc. so that when I do this again, I know I will be able to push through again.  Yes, I have already decided even before stepping on stage that I am pretty sure this won't be my first season of doing this.  Having this type of goal and drive is an amazing feeling...  even when you are watching your kids eat all the crazy bread they want and the smell of garlic and bread is all through your house.  Being able to tell yourself that you don't need it, is very impowering.  There will be a time and a place where I can have that crazy bread every so often, and it won't be the end of the world when I do, but for now, for these short 3 months, I am focused and dedicated and I couldn't be happier about it!  The changes I have already made, just in my food habits, what I will eat, etc. is crazy!  Although...  I don't care how much yellow mustard you throw at me...  I won't budge on that one!

Till next time!
Keep reaching for those goals, because they ARE attainable!

Holidays and Prep... Pure EVIL!

No amount of dessert flavored sugar free gum will ever help with the temptations that Holiday eating and treats are pushed in front of us.  How strong am I really?  I guess today we find out!

I am avoiding the break room at the office.  Once a month, we have a 'Birthday' party for those employees celebrating their birthday which usually involves, cake, ice cream or some other treat.  For day-to-day maintenance, I can partake and enjoy these little treats on occasion, but being in prep for a contest is a whole different matter.  Everything counts...  There is no "I will just do a little extra cardio" because you are already working out so much and are so exhausted that you just can't do anymore!  I forgot that the little celebration was going to be this morning in conjunction with Valentine's Day and as I walked by the break room to deliver some paperwork, I saw it...  The plethera of goodies...  Donuts, rice krispie treats, cupcakes, crackers, cheese and some fruit and a small veggie platter.  I stopped, gawked for a few seconds and then told myself to "move along!".  I didn't go to the party...  Even though there are many people here at the office that know what I am doing, I couldn't take the "Oh, you can't eat this, huh?"  While I try to keep to the thought that this is a choice to not eat items that aren't on my plan, it really boils down that even I find myself using the word can't as well.  Good ole reverse phsycology...  You tell me I can't do something and then I want it even more!  Fortunately, there is a separate break room upstairs where I work in the office, so I can fill my water bottle, make my lunch, etc. and not have to put myself even near the goodies...  Now, to just get them out of my mind!  Where is that Strawberry Shortcake gum?  That will help for about 5 minutes!

The last two weeks have been kind of crazy.  Work has been busy, which helps to keep my mind off of food (I eat when I am bored, and sitting at an office desk all day doesn't help!), but has also made me mentally fatigued.  Workout intensity has increased for my prep.  Cardio is now up to 5 x's a week at 40 minutes and I strength train 6 days a week.  Cardio is first thing in the morning, weights in the evening and still trying to find time to spend time with the family, prep food, etc. 

Usually on Wednesday and Friday, I get a bit of a break (no dance class for Trinity), but last week, Trinity had a basketball halftime performance on Wednesday and was in her school talent show on Friday night.  Then, she had a dance camp on Saturday and performed again Saturday night at the BSU basketball game.  We tried to enjoy my cheat meal after the game, but I was so exhausted it didn't matter what I ate at that point!  This week, on my Wednesday "night off" I spent the evening making treats for Trinity's class Valentine's party.  It never fails...  it seems there is always something going on!  I have tried to make Sunday a complete rest day from training and cardio, but when I do, then I am a sluggish mess and don't even get out of my PJ's for the day!  Thank God for my husband who picks up the pieces for me.  He cooks dinner every night for the kids and usually my dinner as well.  He reminds me of things that I need to get ready for the next day, especially since lately, I have been so forgetful.  He does the laundry so the kids have uniforms for school and I have workout clothes (two a day workouts makes for lots of laundry!).  When I get home from work, the dishes are always done and then I come into the kitchen and dirty them again when I prep my food for the next day and he never complains when I am too tired when I am done to wash them again.  With all this being said, I have been receiving so much help and support and I have been terrible at returning any sort of gratitude.  I have heard so many stories of women quitting because their significant others couldn't handle the time it took away from them or the family, but Lance has been a rock solid support and I can't thank him enough.  I know he will be there for me for this whole process and it makes me realize just how lucky I am!

I keep trying to tell myself that it will get better...  But, the more I think on it...  things are just getting started!  Lias is a Senior this year, so we are busy with college stuff, he will have Senior projects and presentations (I felt so bad that yesterday was History Day at school and I didn't even know that he was presenting a web page that he created for his project.  Note to self...  ask to see his project!) and Trinity's dance competition season is starting and will run up until two weeks before my first show (including some out of town travel).  This in turn, may mean extra rehearsals, working on solo, etc.  She competes her solo this Saturday and I still haven't finished her costume!

Breathe in...  Breathe out...  That is about all I can do right now!  Accept whatever help I can get from family and friends and put forth my best effort.  My situation is nothing special...  Everyone has obstacles in their lives that they need to work through, whether it is work, family, finances, etc.  We just keep trucking forward and give it our all whenever possible.  I love the comment my new friend and fellow competitor (Lyndsay) made the other day...  One day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time.  So true!

Now time to focus on Valentine's Day being about showing appreciation for those you love...  it is not about sugar and sweets!

Blah fish... But I got a tan! :)

14 weeks out!
I am really starting to have some fun with this!  Getting that first posing practice out of the way last week and then on Monday, my trainer Shawna sat me down, got in my face and told me that I am doing everything I need to be doing, follow the plan, eat the food, enjoy the process and quit fretting!  So, that is exactly what i did!  Even my husband said that he has seen a difference in me (for the good) this week and with all that stress lifted, I actually feel like I am seeing some progress!  I was definitely a lot more confident during posing practice again today.  Of course, it was also nice that before hand, I got a fabulous spray tan!  Everything looks better when it is tan! :)

First Posing practice - Accomplished!

Let me just say, I am glad to get that first practice in and under my belt.  I am so glad that I went, even though I was close to having an anxiety attack over it!

When I pulled in the parking lot, I noticed a LOT of cars.  I didn't think much about it because I knew there were a lot of girls competing this spring.  Only, when I walked in the door, there were a ton of people in the gym training.  Not just normal people...  Huge muscly guys!  Probably bodybuilding prep guys, I would assume.  I thought "Ah hell" and then remembered a comment that Shawna had told me before about practicing in front of others and getting used to people looking at your body.  Then her tag line...  "Welcome to Prep!".