Mind Games & Mucus

Yep...  that pretty much sums up the last couple of weeks for me.  I have been battling being sick since before Thanksgiving and have probably been out of the gym more times then I have been in.  Still trying to stay on top of food, and that is where everything happens.  On top of being sick off and on, my brain has just been a scattered mess!  Making large quantities of food without any seasoning, leaving the prepared food on the counter all night...  so frustrating!  I hate to waste food!  I suffered through the lack of seasoning, but didn't want to risk getting any sicker, so the left out food just got tossed.

There is nothing so fun as trying to eat a shit ton of food when you can't taste anything from all the sinus drainage you have going on.  Not to mention that my stomach just feels like crap from being the new home for all the wonderful mucus traveling there...  If you haven't been able to tell already, this is a 'hold nothing back' type of blog!  I am going to write about my experience and it will include the good, bad and definitely the ugly!

I trained with Shawna early Saturday morning in an empty gym and was thankful for the little bit of brain counseling that went with it.  I reported in with a 5 lb gain over the last two weeks.  Now, I know this is what I am supposed to be doing...  It is what all this food, no cardio, etc. is all about.  If I want to gain muscle, I am going to need to get accustom to seeing the scale go up!  I thought I was fine with it, but after spending the last 12+ months focused on fat loss (which in my case, was still showing a 'weight' loss), watching the scale move back up was harder then I thought!  Shawna gave me tons of reassurance that the program will work, etc. but two of my favorites and the ones that stick with me are:

"We need to build you up, so that when we lean you out, you don't look like a twig on stage"

 

and

 

"Competition prep is a total mindf$&k.  That is why only 3% of women will ever do this." 

 

Those nailed it.  I sure as hell don't want to look like a twig and I want to be one of those 3% who go the distance and with drive and determination, meet my goals, embrace my fears and do this.  It is going to be crazy hard.  I am sure my friends and family will be tired of hearing about my troubles.  I never thought I would complain about eating a lot of food, but it has been SO HARD!  People at work give me crap because I am literally eating all the time.  I am constantly passing up vendor lunches because usually the food provided is something that I shouldn't be eating, but yet, I hate offending these people that I have known and worked with for quite a while.  A few have caught on to what I am doing and have been very supportive.

One concern I have had is that can I still do all of this and still be ME at the end of everything.  I know that some changes are going to happen along the way, I know my focus will be narrowed a bit to get done what I need to do and still give my family the time that I need to have with them.  I know at some point I am really going to need to lean on those close with me for support, but I also want to be that support for those that need it from me as well.  Not sure if this makes sense...  I have a lot to figure out.

I just have to say...  my husband and kids are freaking AWESOME!  Lance is also bulking right now (and I thought I ate a lot of food...  good grief!  I don't know how he does it!) and the kids are sometimes coaching/cheering us through every bite to get it in!  :)  Although, I think that Trinity may be a future bodybuilder in the making...  She LOVES Lance's lunch and dinner!  She asked if she could have what he was having for her dinner now...  Not sure how bulking foods and dancing will work together when she is older, but for now, why not?  It is clean and gets her all the nutrients she needs!  :) 

I got a new training split this weekend, with a lot of heavy lifting days.  No more plyo workouts for a while.  I like the new split and am eager to get working on it.  Finally starting to feel better today (after spending the last two days in bed) so getting back into routine in the gym in the morning.  Back to getting all 6 meals in (even though I can't taste anything) including a well seasoned soup for lunch!

I am determined to see this through...  I will trust in the program, trust in Jon and Shawna, lean on those I know I can and be successful!